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10 years
on a green street
paved with virgin
concrete. Sheaves
of golden headed
mothers sway in the
wind to the lyrical
drone of a sony walkman.
Chirping too!  Jingling toots
of a film about
dogs.  But there’s
something else there
as well…There’s
a frat-divorce
glint and a
a soft pink
scratch.  There’s
a sense of shifting
like a mangled tape:
Dr. Jekyll…Mr. Hyde…Dr. Jekyll…Mr. Hyde
But there’s more Dr. Jekyll;
the concrete’s still a virgin

10 years
under a bully bridge surrounded
by ash and crystallized semen,
listening to CDs formatted to
fit the brain.  Sly grinners
move in circles like wolves.
Wolves kill rabbits,
Help out other, weaker wolves.
Reasonable, yet so unreasonable
tones of voice, flutter like
fireflies at 11:00.  Clay begins
to settle in dysfunctional
phantasmagoric
shapes
red
raw
but scabby

10 years
melting in a hedonistic
aurora (watercycle etc.)
flashing cameras squirting
frat-weddings 2-3 times.
Blissfully oblivious
basking gaily in the Olympian
light of space age culture
entertainment walls.
Corkscrewing through
purple hangovers and
silver watches
ignoring the void,
while still a blooming
photosynthetic flower.
Subject says:
“Lying before me in a moat of risotto
The meat as soft as the leg of an angel”

10 years
clinging like
a grub to a pillow top
bed.  A drooling
Semi-conscious ear,
ingesting 5 O Clock
static and flies.
crying to Jesus
but rousing Zeus.
Don’t worry,
Papa loves his little
kitty cats.
He’ll give you a
job.

10 years
in an esteamed sauna
with friendly stretch
marks and cradling
cholesterol.
Zeus build decks and
televisions and prescription
glasses, that make everything
Seem satisfactory for the
Subject who lives
down the green street.
The old drone listens
to classical music
on vinyl using one of
those new record players;
the kind that hook
into one’s computer.
Well, I once told evryrosehasitsthorns that I wanted to do something really long...here it is.

This is basically about rich white people in all phases...

The quote at the end of the third stanza is from the Billy Collins poem, "Osso Buco".

I am actually not entirely happy with this...it feels like someone elses style and not mine.

Please tell me what you think! :)
Add a Comment:
 
:iconbluesilveruu:
BlueSilverUU Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2009
Here's my constructive criticism: I noticed that the rythem was... hard to follow, and then I noticed in your comment that you weren't (or felt like you weren't) writing with your own natural flow. My advice is to re-write this with a flow that feels more natural to YOU, and then it will be read more naturally by others. I'm not a professional or anything, just my opinion. That aside, kinda cool!
Reply
:iconpereubuisjesus:
pereubuisjesus Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2009  Professional Artist
Wow thanks a bunch for the critique. To be honest I may scrap the whole thing because it doesn't fit in with the rest of my gallery.
Reply
:iconbluesilveruu:
BlueSilverUU Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2009
I know how that is. Keep writing!
Reply
:iconpereubuisjesus:
pereubuisjesus Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2009  Professional Artist
:)
Reply
:iconsho-ku-ten:
Sho-Ku-Ten Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2009  Student Writer
Beautiful piece. You have great imagery and a unique mixture of words that flow well together.
Reply
:iconpereubuisjesus:
pereubuisjesus Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2009  Professional Artist
Thank you :)
Reply
:iconbd5000:
bd5000 Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2009
Yes, that's good . Well written and very mature. Definately made me think.

I recently read a book of Billy Collins poems. The man is a genius.

After I read it, I wrote two faverites of mine.

Insperation comes from all places.

Nice work on this piece!
Reply
:iconpereubuisjesus:
pereubuisjesus Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2009  Professional Artist
Wow thanks a lot! glad you like it.
Reply
:iconbd5000:
bd5000 Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2009
Hello, no problem! Nice piece!
Reply
:iconjesusroxgirl:
jesusroxgirl Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
haha wow xD i love the lines about calling on Jesus but rousing Zeus. that's genius! :)
Reply
:iconpereubuisjesus:
pereubuisjesus Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2009  Professional Artist
thank you :) a lot of people liked that :D
Reply
:iconjesusroxgirl:
jesusroxgirl Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
yeah, it's neat :)
Reply
:iconiiixii:
IIIXII Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2009
I thought the link between Greek Mythology and Christianity was intriguing.
Continue writing my friend. :D
Well done. :)
Reply
:iconpereubuisjesus:
pereubuisjesus Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2009  Professional Artist
Thanks :) I will Im addicted XD
Reply
:icondaejien:
Daejien Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2009
Its alright, the styling is good, but I didn't know what it was about till I read the artist comments.
Reply
:iconpereubuisjesus:
pereubuisjesus Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2009  Professional Artist
What is "styling"?
Reply
:icondaejien:
Daejien Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2009
The style of which you wrote the poem.
Reply
:iconpereubuisjesus:
pereubuisjesus Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2009  Professional Artist
O right I see now. Thank you. This one really isnt my favorite either...I don't like individual poems. I think a body of work is better.
Reply
:iconchew-on-that:
chew-on-that Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2009
interesting! I like the way you broke the lines up into short segments, it made for abrupt reading -- which suits the idea of your poem pretty well. (:
Reply
:iconpereubuisjesus:
pereubuisjesus Featured By Owner Jul 23, 2009  Professional Artist
Thanks! Im glad you like it :)
Reply
:iconthetaoofchaos:
thetaoofchaos Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2009   Writer
lots of little gems - it does tend to leave a lasting impression as a whole. i did like:

"crying to Jesus
but rousing Zeus."

great work.
Reply
:iconpereubuisjesus:
pereubuisjesus Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2009  Professional Artist
Thanks! I am really glad you like it :)

Yeah, I liked that line a lot.
Reply
:iconvivitarose13:
vivitarose13 Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2009  Student General Artist
this is pretty fucking awesome.
Reply
:iconpereubuisjesus:
pereubuisjesus Featured By Owner Jun 3, 2009  Professional Artist
I am very glad that you think so :D thank you for the fave :D
Reply
:iconvivitarose13:
vivitarose13 Featured By Owner Jun 4, 2009  Student General Artist
you're very welcome :D
Reply
:icondailylitdeviations:
DailyLitDeviations Featured By Owner Jun 2, 2009
Your wonderful literary work has been chosen to be featured by DLD (Daily Literature Deviations) in a news article here: [link] .

Be sure to check out the other artists featured and show your support by :+fav:ing the News Article.

Keep writing and keep creating.
Reply
:icontales-of-something:
tales-of-something Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2009
poignant (and crazy) as your shorter stuff is, i'm rather fond of this.
Reply
:iconpereubuisjesus:
pereubuisjesus Featured By Owner Mar 1, 2009  Professional Artist
thanks! glad u like it :D
Reply
:iconphillgh:
phillGH Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2009   Writer
it's seems to be like...all the problems of the world in one!
Reply
:iconnny13:
nny13 Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2009
damn. this is possibly one of the best, rather depressing though... i love your word usage and descriptiveness, very nice.
Reply
:iconpereubuisjesus:
pereubuisjesus Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2009  Professional Artist
Yeah I think this is one of my best...It's just a departure from my normal style...I've been reading poetry lately and I think thats the reason.

Glad yOu like it :)
Reply
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February 22, 2009
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