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Submitted on
February 22, 2009
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10 years
on a green street
paved with virgin
concrete. Sheaves
of golden headed
mothers sway in the
wind to the lyrical
drone of a sony walkman.
Chirping too!  Jingling toots
of a film about
dogs.  But there’s
something else there
as well…There’s
a frat-divorce
glint and a
a soft pink
scratch.  There’s
a sense of shifting
like a mangled tape:
Dr. Jekyll…Mr. Hyde…Dr. Jekyll…Mr. Hyde
But there’s more Dr. Jekyll;
the concrete’s still a virgin

10 years
under a bully bridge surrounded
by ash and crystallized semen,
listening to CDs formatted to
fit the brain.  Sly grinners
move in circles like wolves.
Wolves kill rabbits,
Help out other, weaker wolves.
Reasonable, yet so unreasonable
tones of voice, flutter like
fireflies at 11:00.  Clay begins
to settle in dysfunctional
phantasmagoric
shapes
red
raw
but scabby

10 years
melting in a hedonistic
aurora (watercycle etc.)
flashing cameras squirting
frat-weddings 2-3 times.
Blissfully oblivious
basking gaily in the Olympian
light of space age culture
entertainment walls.
Corkscrewing through
purple hangovers and
silver watches
ignoring the void,
while still a blooming
photosynthetic flower.
Subject says:
“Lying before me in a moat of risotto
The meat as soft as the leg of an angel”

10 years
clinging like
a grub to a pillow top
bed.  A drooling
Semi-conscious ear,
ingesting 5 O Clock
static and flies.
crying to Jesus
but rousing Zeus.
Don’t worry,
Papa loves his little
kitty cats.
He’ll give you a
job.

10 years
in an esteamed sauna
with friendly stretch
marks and cradling
cholesterol.
Zeus build decks and
televisions and prescription
glasses, that make everything
Seem satisfactory for the
Subject who lives
down the green street.
The old drone listens
to classical music
on vinyl using one of
those new record players;
the kind that hook
into one’s computer.
Well, I once told evryrosehasitsthorns that I wanted to do something really long...here it is.

This is basically about rich white people in all phases...

The quote at the end of the third stanza is from the Billy Collins poem, "Osso Buco".

I am actually not entirely happy with this...it feels like someone elses style and not mine.

Please tell me what you think! :)
Add a Comment:
 
:iconbluesilveruu:
BlueSilverUU Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2009
Here's my constructive criticism: I noticed that the rythem was... hard to follow, and then I noticed in your comment that you weren't (or felt like you weren't) writing with your own natural flow. My advice is to re-write this with a flow that feels more natural to YOU, and then it will be read more naturally by others. I'm not a professional or anything, just my opinion. That aside, kinda cool!
Reply
:iconpereubuisjesus:
pereubuisjesus Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2009  Professional Artist
Wow thanks a bunch for the critique. To be honest I may scrap the whole thing because it doesn't fit in with the rest of my gallery.
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:iconbluesilveruu:
BlueSilverUU Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2009
I know how that is. Keep writing!
Reply
:iconpereubuisjesus:
pereubuisjesus Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2009  Professional Artist
:)
Reply
:iconsho-ku-ten:
Sho-Ku-Ten Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2009  Student Writer
Beautiful piece. You have great imagery and a unique mixture of words that flow well together.
Reply
:iconpereubuisjesus:
pereubuisjesus Featured By Owner Aug 27, 2009  Professional Artist
Thank you :)
Reply
:iconbd5000:
bd5000 Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2009
Yes, that's good . Well written and very mature. Definately made me think.

I recently read a book of Billy Collins poems. The man is a genius.

After I read it, I wrote two faverites of mine.

Insperation comes from all places.

Nice work on this piece!
Reply
:iconpereubuisjesus:
pereubuisjesus Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2009  Professional Artist
Wow thanks a lot! glad you like it.
Reply
:iconbd5000:
bd5000 Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2009
Hello, no problem! Nice piece!
Reply
:iconjesusroxgirl:
jesusroxgirl Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2009  Hobbyist General Artist
haha wow xD i love the lines about calling on Jesus but rousing Zeus. that's genius! :)
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