pereubuisjesus

Once upon a time there were two hands:  the hand of hate and the hand of love.  They fought each other for no reason.  God cried.  The hand of hate ate the hand of love and digested it in its wrist.  The human that the hands were part of said "ow! ow! ow!" and went to the hospital.  In hospital, the human held a book with the hand of hate.  The hand of hate was slack with food-coma but the human was still able to hold things.  "I can never love anyone!  I'll never find anyone to love me now that I only have one hand!  What's more, the hand I have left is the less desirable hand, the hand of hate!" said the human later that night, crying in the fetal position.  The hand of hate acquired a Little Caesar's franchise.  The hand of hate was interviewed in the book Fast Food Nation.  The hand of hate was portrayed sympathetically, while Little Caesar's cuisine was not.  However, God sensed Fast Food Nation's book-waves with His/Her ESP.  One night, when the hand of hate was closing, He/She beamed it up to His/Her Godship.  Before an intergalactic tribunal, the hand of hate was sentenced to life in the land of Nod.  "Hooray!" said the hand of hate, "I don't have to live in reality!"  The human had no hands and was outfitted with robot-claws.  He suffered, discovered meaning, and hooray for him. 

It was Sam's turn.  She looked at Harry.  "Was this supposed to be funny?" she asked, referring to Harry's short story about two anthropomorphized missiles.  "Yes," said Harry.  "Well, it wasn't funny."  Harry laughed.  Harry stayed in his imagination most of the time and didn't care what Sam said.  He didn't care if she laughed or not.  His brain was a funny movie watching itself and he found the story funny and he believed he was more intelligent than Sam.  Liz said some things.  Sky said some things.  Sam felt paranoid feelings about her being the only person in the workshop who didn't like Harry's story.  She believed strongly in her own opinion, but also felt slightly insecure.  She didn't know why she was majoring in creative writing.  She thought everything she read in class was boring.  She stared at the whiteboard and thought about the good things she imagined people would say the next week when they read the first two chapters of her zombie apocalypse novel.  Her grammar was better than Harry's.  The smart guy in the class, Joel, mentioned something about a cave and Plato and Harry said yes, that was what he was trying to do.   

The Blur Witch Project

Once upon a time, Damon Albarn and his band, Gorillaz, went to the British grocery store, Sainsbury's.  Sainsbury's was owned by Lord Sainsbury who lived in the Control Center next door.

"Tally Ho, Pip Pip," said the Lord as Gorillaz approached the gates.  "Welcome to my supermarket!  Could I interest you in some cheese-and-onion Walker's Crisps?"

"No," said Damon Albarn, "We've come to exterminate the witch,"

"Exterminate the Witch!  Of Course!  Wot-wot..." said Lord Sainsbury, flinging open the gates.  "I'm participating in a motocross tournament, so I regret to say I will not be in later on.  I've left you a check on the Mantelpiece in the frozen meat and fish section."

Damon Albarn brushed past, the rest of Gorillaz following him.  The members of Gorillaz fluctuated.  As the band followed Damon, different members disappeared and reappeared.  It was as though Damon Albarn were the head of a massive shimmering ghost-centipede.

Damon found the witch sitting on a pile of mangos in the produce department.

"Avast!" said Damon Albarn in alarm.  The witch was none other than Damon Albarn's other band, Blur.

Blur leered at Damon Albarn.  It brought a mango to its mouth and bit off a chunk, smacking its lips as it chewed the soft yellow flesh.

The two fought each other.  Blur had a level 9 Fox on its team, while Damon Albarn had a level 9 Samus on his.  In a two-minute melee, Blur registered the most K.O.s

Damon Albarn ran out of Sainsbury's screaming and dropped his video camera.

The next time I love someone, I don't want to hide it.